Life doesn’t always give us what we deserve, but rather, what we demand. And so you must continue to push harder than any other person in the room - Wadi Ben-Hirki

Let’s pretend. You are about to have a virtual appointment with a medical doctor. You have taken the time to make up a list of several symptoms which are causing you great distress. You have been waiting for months to see this specialist and are so relieved that the appointment has finally arrived. You have faith that this medical expert will be able to connect all the dots: the sleepless nights, the chronic pain, the fatigue, and the constant anxiety. The symptoms will all coalesce into a single logical diagnosis and, at last, your ailment will have a name which will lead to a curative treatment plan.

Unfortunately, your virtual life affirming visit with the specialist is about to come crashing down to earth. You see, your expert doctor has seen a multitude of patients who have complained of the same or similar symptoms and most of the lab tests and scans that were ordered have turned up negative. In short, your doctor does not believe there is anything wrong with you.

Your dream of relief is turning into another nightmare of frustration. You feel you are getting no respect for your ongoing suffering. For the few times the doctor looks away from the computer screen and actually gazes over at you, you sense an air of skepticism. You are dealing with a show of arrogance that proclaims that if you were seriously ill, then the tests would show it.

At this point, you start to doubt your own sanity. Is it possible that all this pain and discomfort is just in your head? Maybe you only need to "toughen up” a bit and not waste the time of these medical professionals. After all, they must have real patients to take care of. A wave of guilt washes over you and you see yourself as just another eccentric wingnut who is selfishly out for attention and sympathy.

Or, on the other hand, perhaps your virtual doctor feigns interest and is willing to order up another battery of PET scans, CT scans, ultrasounds, MRIs, and possibly even Rorschach tests. Don’t be fooled by this show of thorough professionalism, because what your doctor is really saying is “I may sound like an arrogant narcissist, but I’m seriously interested in treating this disease that I believe you really don’t have”.

The real issue you have been dealing with in this virtual medical appointment is a case of dismissive doctor syndrome. You are experiencing a form of gaslighting from a doctor whose underlying advice to you is that you should take two aspirin and NOT call back in the morning. Your symptoms are pooh-poohed while you are put in the box of “mystery diseases”, which means there’s probably nothing wrong with you that a good shrink couldn’t fix. You may even be told that your health problems are psychosomatic and a psycho like you should go get your head tested.

If you happen to be female, your negative experiences with dismissive doctors are likely to be compounded by gender bias. According to Maya Dusenbery’s revealing “Doing Harm: The Truth About How Bad Medicine and Lazy Science Leave Women Dismissed, Misdiagnosed, and Sick”, there is a rampant inequality in the way that males and females are treated by the medical profession. Health problems encountered by women, especially those difficulties that are classified as autoimmune, have historically been ignored or minimalized by the “old boys club” medical profession.

Dusenbery points out that this bias even extends into medical research, where a vast majority of subjects tend to be male, even in animal studies. For example, there have been five times as many studies centered on erectile dysfunction as on PMS symptoms. In light of these tendencies, it’s no small wonder that women’s physical symptoms are associated with depression, anxiety, and stress and are attributed to the centuries old notion that they can all be explained with the mysterious notion of female hysteria.

If you mix in the archaic stereotype that men are tougher than women and can handle pain and discomfort better and are less likely to complain about these symptoms, you might use that as the reason why 45 per cent of women compared to 31 per cent of men complain of chronic pain. You might therefore never even question the possibility that a woman’s physiology and related susceptibility to autoimmune diseases lie at the bottom of these statistical differences. Just because there are no reliable tests that measure the amount of pain a person is suffering, or how much fatigue is being experienced, doesn’t mean that these conditions are being imagined. You don’t have to fall awkwardly to the floor to prove that you feel dizzy and disoriented.

Whether it’s a case of fibromyalgia or myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME/CFS), Crohn’s disease or interstitial cystitis, you have the right to seek out medical help without being subjected to discredit and humiliation by a dismissive physician. Be your own best advocate and refuse to have your own instincts and sanity belittled.

You have the power. Use it.