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Baby, If It's Not Rough It Isn't Fun — What is rough sex?

Slow and sensual sex can be incredible in a lot of ways. But not everybody wants it soft and sweet all the time. Getting a bit rough can be satisfying and liberating for consenting partners. Whether it's about living out a fantasy, releasing the tension, or upping the intimacy and trust, the desire to get off hard and fast is never something you should be ashamed of. The bottom line is that no matter what you're doing in the bedroom, always make sure both parties are comfortable and consent. If anything starts to hurt or crosses a line, immediately stop and communicate with your partner.

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Featured

 I Found Comfort In Rough Sex. Then Things Got Really Scary

One woman's story on using sex as a coping mechanism.

 The Science of Rough Sex

Historically, “rough sex” has been used to characterize a wide range of acts. As noted, it has remained well represented in mainstream pornography. Research indicates that this matters. For example, one study found that increasing exposure to online sexual material was related to a heightened desire and participation of “rough sex.” Beyond porn, the term has been a source of empowerment for some and disempowerment for others. Many folks consider “rough sex” as a consensual and acceptable sexual preference, reflected in the increasing use in popular culture. On the other hand, “rough sex” has been used as a defense in the courtroom for assault, often positioning men as aggressors and women as recipients, with claims that it is consensual “rough sex.”

Articles of Interest

Can We Talk About Rough Sex for a Bit, and How it Might Help Your Relationship?

I had never once in my entire life thought about hitting a woman during sex. However, I soon realized there were many women that were not interested in sweet, romantic sex all the time. I was making sweet love to one woman when she casually took my hand and placed it on her neck and pressed it tight. At first I thought she wanted me to wipe something off her neck. Nope. She wanted me to choke her! Hard!

Here's How to (Gently) Introduce Rough Sex in Bed

Beginning to experiment with rough sex isn’t always an easy thing to do. A lot of women are afraid to show their wild side to their partners, or to even explore the possibility that they might have one. Just the fact that you are in touch with exactly what you want and are willing to ask for it is an inspiration to us all.

How claims of ‘consensual rough sex’ hide abuse and coercive control from courts

As domestic abuse researchers, we are particularly concerned with how abusers use “rough sex” in intimate relationships, which the Domestic Abuse Act 2021 provisions do not directly address. As our new research shows, perpetrators do not need to cause physical harm in order to use rough sex as a key component of their controlling strategy.

How Do I Set Boundaries for Rough Sex With My Partner?

Not everyone defines "rough sex" the same way, so it's imperative to make your preferences and limits clear.

How Many Couples Have Actually Had "Rough Sex"?

A recent study found that while the definition of "rough sex" differs from person to person, the practice should be considered normative. Of participants in relationships, about 4 in 5 had engaged in rough sex with a partner, and almost all reported at least some enjoyment of it.

How Many People Have Ever Had Rough Sex, and Who’s Most Likely To Do It?

How long people had been in their relationships and the nature of their relationship (casual vs. committed) were unrelated to frequency of rough sex. In other words, rough sex had less to do with characteristics of the relationship itself and more to do with individual factors.

I was a victim of sexual violence under the guise of ‘rough’ sex

What happened to me was not-consensual rough sex or BDSM — it was sexual violence, full stop.

I’m a Feminist Who Loves Rough Sex

Rough doesn’t always equal BDSM, and BDSM does not always equal rough. It’s a scary thing trying to find a man who understands this fragile balance and makes me feel safe enough to let them take control of my body, without them bringing in their own premeditated ideas of what they think it should be for the both of us. I mean, how do you tell the man you asked to be in control, to not do what they want to do to you?

Kinky Sex Could Be the Secret to Your Success

Turns out whips and blindfolds are the unseen force behind a lucrative career—and a satisfying love life.

Kinky Sex Is Easier to Find Than Ever, and That May Not Be a Good Thing

“Everyone has the potential to be kinky, and most people have a reserved desire to be,” said KinkD co-founder Jeffrey Cheung, who found domination via porn relatively recently and used it to rekindle his married sex life. “Dating apps will help the kink community expand quickly.”

Research in brief: How prevalent is rough sex?

Results show that rough sex is common. Sexual health professionals, educators, and researchers should be prepared to guide current and aspiring practitioners of rough sex, helping them understand potential benefits, risks, and age- and gender-related differences.

Rough Sex—Why Do We Crave It?

Sex is one of the best ways to build intimacy and connect with your partner. When you’re both naked, bodies touching, sensually moving together while keeping each other’s gaze, the atmosphere is very romantic and pleasant. But sometimes, you just don’t want to do it sweet and soft. Sometimes, you just want to be thrown on the bed and railed until you forget your own name or which city you live in. And that’s where rough sex comes into play.

The Best Sex Positions for Rough Sex

You'd assume that "how to have rough sex" would simply mean taking your favorite sex positions and making them rougher. You'd be wrong. Because of the intensity and tempo, not all sex positions will translate well to rough sex. Some positions are even dangerous.

The Good Girl’s Guide to Rough Sex

It's OK to take a risk.

There's Science That Explains Why Women Fantasize About Rough Sex

The key thing to take away from this is that rough sex appears to be a normative sexual interest and we need to be very careful to distinguish it from sexual violence and relationship abuse. Rough sex is not exploitative—it is consensual and the people who have it are reporting an intense, mutually enjoyable experience.

U.K. Censors Online Porn; Spanking, Rough Sex, Other Assorted Kink Banned

Continuing on its recent censorship-happy path, the U.K. government amended regulations this week to prohibit online porn from depicting a variety of erotic activities. Now-illicit acts range from the very specific (female ejaculation; "spanking, caning, and whipping beyond a gentle level") to the incredibly broad ("verbal abuse"). But basically, the U.K. has banned BDSM and certain forms of fetish porn—or at least, charging money for that sort of porn.

Understanding ‘rough sex’

‘Rough sex’ refers broadly to aggressive physical or degrading acts during sex. In recent public and popular discourse in the UK, the term has been used commonly in two contexts. The first is to refer to consenting sexual practices following the Fifty Shades trilogy, published by E.L. James over 2011-2012. The second refers to instances of death, usually involving a female victim and male perpetrator, and commonly following asphyxiation, beating or injuries through penetration. In the second case, ‘rough sex’ is an inaccurate euphemism, as such acts represent sexual violence, manslaughter and homicide.

What Do Most Couples Consider "Rough" Sex?

While the concept of “rough sex” isn’t new, it is becoming an increasingly common part of our mainstream discourse. Whether it’s the rise of media attention on choking or song lyrics on the radio that describe spanking and sex that hurts, “rough sex” is without a doubt entering our pop culture lexicon. But what exactly do we mean when we say we like, don't like, or want to try having, rough sex? And do our sexual partners mean the same thing when they think about rough sex?

What Does It Mean to Have ‘Rough Sex?’

Rough sex is one of the most popular sexual fantasies. In fact, when I surveyed 4,175 Americans about their fantasies for my book Tell Me What You Want, I found that most people had fantasied about some type of rough sex before. But what exactly does it mean to have “rough sex?” Which specific activities do people include in this? And how many people actually enjoy the idea of rough sex in real life—not just in their fantasies?

What Does It Mean When Someone Enjoys Rough Sex?

So many questions and thoughts running through our minds right now thinking about rough sex. It’s not for everyone, but we’re fans and wanted to investigate the kinky bedroom preference. Is there a deeper meaning if someone likes it rough? Does it have to do with your personality? Are you taking out subconscious anger? Or is it simply because you like the thrill of it?

Why are so many women writing about rough sex?

After #Metoo, it’s no surprise a new generation of female authors is exploring sexual abuse and dominance.

Why Rough Sex Is On The Rise Among Young Adults

Men and women alike said that rough sex is more arousing, that it leads to more frequent and intense orgasms, and that partners make a greater effort to satisfy one another during it. Also, women in particular said that they orgasm faster during rough sex. In other words, rough sex just seems to intensify the sexual experience in ways that enhance pleasure. But it’s not just that. Participants also reported that common reasons for engaging in rough sex were because they wanted to try something new, sex had grown boring, and they wanted to act out a fantasy. So there’s also an element of novelty here that people seem to be enjoying.