There you are in your father’s arms. He is practically running to keep up with the triage nurse. The nurse is walking quickly toward the room that we leave open for true emergencies and the sickest patients. Your father’s eyes are full of fear, and the nurse’s tone is worrisome.
I look down at you all snuggled up to your father’s chest. You are beautiful. So small and bright-eyed. You don’t recognize how hard your body is working, and you are just taking in all the sights and sounds around you as any baby would. The nurse takes you from your father’s arms, and she places you on the stretcher. I lean in and place my stethoscope on your chest. I’m sorry if it’s a bit cold. I lean in closer.
“Hey cutie, how are you?” I say, and I smile.
Your beautiful eyes look directly into mine, and you smile back. The nurses are buzzing around us. I look away from you for a second to talk to them. We need to gather up some things that we’ll need to make you better. When I look back, you smile again. “I’m going to make you feel better,” I tell you. I say the same to you father, and he breathes a sigh of relief.
I’m sorry we have to put all these wires and stickers on you. I’m sorry about the mask and the pokes, but I’m going to make you feel better. I’ll be right here next to you until I make you better. You cry a little, but you also smile despite what is happening. I smile back and talk to you. You talk back. Cooing. You are beautiful.
We’ve been together for a while now. Are you feeling better? You are so much better! I too feel better. You are still smiling, cooing. You are such a happy baby. Your mommy is here now. She raced here as soon as your daddy called her. Would you like her to hold you? There is no better place to be than in Mommy’s arms. I have to step away for a minute. I have to make some phone calls to get you transferred to the PICU. I’ll be right over there, and I’ll be watching you every second.
This might take a bit longer than I had hoped. The PICU is full. It seems all you little cuties are keeping us doctors busy today. I’m working on it. You just hang in there. You’re doing a great job! Keep it up. I’m going to make a few more phone calls. I’ll be right over there, but I’ll be watching you closely as I have been since you were carried into my ER.
Oh, no, no, no. Wait. Hey, stop that. Why do you have that look? No, no, no. I lean in and say to you, “Hey cutie, I’m going to make you feel better.” I’m sorry I’m talking so loudly now.
No, no, no. Do not look at me like that. You are not allowed to have that look in your eyes. I know that look, and you cannot have that look. Do you see me? I’m right here, inches from your sweet face. I feel your breath on my face, do you feel mine? Do you see my eyes? Do you hear my voice? “I’m going to make you feel better, sweet boy. I’m going to make you feel better.”
No, no, no. I do not like your color. You are still beautiful, but that color. I need to fix that. No, no, no. Your lungs, I need to fix them. I’m sorry sweet boy, but I’m going to have to put a tube into your lungs. You are tired. I’m going to make you feel better. One last look into those eyes. Sleep baby. Rest. I’m in. I feel better. Do you feel better? Don’t worry, I will breathe for you; rest sweet boy.
No, no, no. Talk to your heart sweet boy, tell it to be strong. No, no, no. What’s happening? What are you doing? I’m sorry sweet boy; I’ll need to squeeze your chest now. I’m sorry if it hurts. Your heart, I need to fix that. Be strong. I’m sorry it’s so loud in here. There are a lot of people that have come to help me. We are going to make you feel better. All of us. We are all here for you. But me, I am right here. Touching you, talking to you every moment. No, no, no. Please, sweet boy. I’ve tried everything. Be strong. Beat. Breathe. Please. Beat. Breathe. Please, sweet, beautiful boy.
It’s been an hour now sweet boy. I’ve been begging your heart to beat for an hour. I’ve been begging your lungs to breathe for an hour. Some are telling me it’s time. To call it. To call you. I can’t. Just a few more rounds. I told you I was going to make you feel better. I looked into those beautiful eyes and made you a promise. Please. Beat. Breathe.
Maybe this little probe will tell me that your beautiful little heart is moving beneath my hands and that I just can’t feel it. Maybe the monitors are wrong. Your heart is still. You are still sweet, beautiful boy. I’m so sorry. I told you that I was going to make you feel better. I looked into those bright, beautiful eyes while feeling your breath on my face and I told you that I was going to make you better. I’m so, so sorry. My heart is bleeding. I had to call out those awful words. The room was silent when I called it. Everyone was still. Having to say those words out loud took my breath away. I’ll remember that moment in time, that exact date, that exact minute. Forever.
That room. That awful room. I take a deep breath and close my eyes before I enter that room. My heart is oozing and threatening to explode. I open the door. Your lovely parents. They are sitting there in front of me holding hands. They look up at me with those eyes, your eyes. You have their eyes. Those words. Those awful words. “I’m so sorry. We did everything we could, but we could not save your sweet, beautiful boy.” Those God awful words. Your mother fell to the floor and wrapped her arms around my legs. I nearly fell to the floor alongside her.
“Tell me you’re lying, please tell me you’re lying!” she screamed.
God, I wish I was. I sobbed uncontrollably. Your father cried too. He looked directly into me and said, “But you were just playing with him. He was smiling at you.”
Yes, you were. That smile. Those eyes. I’m so sorry. Everyone in the room is breaking. I brought them to you. Your mother held you in her arms, to her chest, near her heart almost begging yours to beat. I’m so sorry. I cried with them. My heart bled with theirs.
“Is there anything else I can say? Is there anything else I can explain? Do you have any other questions I can help answer?” I asked them.
Your mother looked at me with distant, empty eyes. Not your eyes anymore. She whispered sadly, “I just want you to give me my baby back.”
My heart paused. God, I wish I could. With every ounce of my being, I wish I could give that sweet, beautiful boy back to you. Instead, I give you me. You, your family, your beautiful boy, will have me. Every day. Every minute. You will have me. I am now yours. And his. Forever.
Source: Free N Hess MD, Medicine is the most emotional profession. This story proves it, KevinMD.com, April 19, 2016.
Clinical depression is so common, so potentially damaging, and so often undiagnosed that a board coalition of experts now recommends that primary care providers screen everyone over 12 for what is the most common of all mental disorders.
Since there’s more science happening than could ever be funded by the government, maybe crowdfunding is an important tool to start these things off - Reid Rubsamen, M.D.
Generations of kids have been warned that marijuana is the gateway drug to more dangerous substances. It's a classic case of both logical fallacy and government misinforming the public—all while a likelier candidate has been pushed on kids with government sanction.
Children have ten times the risk for CT Scan caused cancer compared to adults. Ultrasounds and MRIs, whenever appropriate, should be substituted especially in the younger population.
Medical mistakes happen. Medical professionals are only humans who can err. One gets to wonder how many medical misadventures go unreported!
Stem cell therapy is probably one of the most promising medical advancements this century. Yet, the politically charged embryonic stem cell issue has stymied research. But there is good news for your future!
There you are in your father’s arms. He is practically running to keep up with the triage nurse. The nurse is walking quickly toward the room that we leave open for true emergencies and the sickest patients. Your father’s eyes are full of fear, and the nurse’s tone is worrisome.
I look down at you all snuggled up to your father’s chest. You are beautiful. So small and bright-eyed. You don’t recognize how hard your body is working, and you are just taking in all the sights and sounds around you as any baby would.
Acupuncture Today is a monthly newspaper delivered to members of the acupuncture and Oriental medicine profession.
A nursing community of 719,160 members. Where nurses and nursing students talk everything about nursing. allnurses.com - Helping you become a better nurse. Welcome to allnurses.com.
BETs were developed in the Emergency Department of Manchester Royal Infirmary, UK, to provide rapid evidence-based answers to real-life clinical questions, using a systematic approach to reviewing the literature.
With Bone & Joint we make it easy for you to appraise the latest orthopaedic research from around the world, giving you a broad and deep perspective on changing knowledge and practice. As well as reading about it, you can interact with the information too — view videos, listen to podcasts, and earn CME points. Many of these tools are completely free to access.
News, information, and tools to support your practice.
A free service to all doctors and students of chiropractic, DC News Update keeps you up to date on all the important chiropractic news and information.
Empowering healthcare professionals. Connect, share, and learn with likeminded healthcare professionals in a secure and professional online environment. And, best of all, its FREE!
ClinicalKey is the clinical search engine that thinks and works the way you do, making it easier to find and apply relevant knowledge.
Clot Connect is an information and outreach project at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill Hemophilia and Thrombosis Center. Clot Connect provides patients and healthcare professionals connection to clinically relevant education resources on deep vein thrombosis, pulmonary embolism, thrombophilia and anticoagulation.
ConsultantLive pulls together practical clinical advice from top experts in many specialties in a convenient source for primary care practitioners. The journal and Web site provide peer-reviewed articles on key topics encountered in clinical practice, as well as short, quick-reading features that emphasize diagnostic quizzes and color photography.
DENTAL World is a dental portal designed for dentists, companies and every people or activity dental related.
Continuing education resources and online magazine.
Expansive site for the field of dentistry including dental hygienists.
-Covering over 15,000 disease manifestations such as symptoms, labs, ECG, X-ray, CT-Scan, MRI, Ultrasound, pathology, microbiology results and more.
Dr. Steven Palter is a board certified specialist in Obstetrics and Gynecology and Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility. He is internationally known as a pioneer in the translation of cutting edge high technology developments into surgical procedures and tools and as a leading specialist in infertility treatment and endoscopy.
Doctors Lounge is a large online network of doctors, nurses and allied health professionals. Our members have written over 10,000 articles and answered more than 30,000 medical questions.
Created by doctors for doctors, it is now the most popular, trusted medical channel enabling communication to and between 149,750 doctors, all day every day.
A Personal& Professional Networking Site for Doctors& Medical Students Worldwide
Doximity makes your life simpler.
A free electrocardiography (ECG) tutorial and textbook to which anyone can contribute, designed for medical professionals such as cardiac care nurses and physicians.
Doctors, let Empowered Doctor help you connect with new patients.
EMSvillage.com, a Sirius Innovations, LLC community, is the leading internet application destination for individuals, services and businesses who are members of the emergency and prehospital care community. Helping EMS professionals to improve individual and organizational performance is our primary mission.
This notebook is intended to aid primary care providers in their pursuit of optimal care, well-informed patients, and healthy families.
Welcome to www.futuremedicine.com - your gateway to objective and authoritative information on medical advances in the post-genomic era, delivering concise, forward-looking perspectives on the scientific, clinical, economic and policy issues that confront us in modern healthcare. Future Medicine is part of the Future Science Group, an expanding group of independent companies active in the field of scientific information and endeavor.
GlobalRPh.com was officially launched in December of 2000. This site is based on a hospital-wide intranet that is located at the VA Medical Center in Detroit Michigan. Several programs on this site are rated number one in the world based on search engine rankings.
Healthcare Professionals Network.
Hey there! Welcome to the official Health 2.0 Blog. A community blog for and by the Health 2.0 community.
A Social Network for Health Informatics Professionals and Students.
Health News from HealthCanal.com is dedicated to providing students, post-docs, researchers, healthcare professionals, government agencies, and educators with timely, close-to-the-scene information and news about Health and Medical Breakthroughs.
Published in partnership with HIMSS, Healthcare IT News is the industry’s leading news source, providing healthcare IT and other executives the information they need to implement and harness technology as a means to enhance patient care.
Welcome to the HealthEconomics.Com website, for health outcomes research and health economics jobs and resources on the Internet.
iHealthBeat is a free, daily news digest reporting on technology's impact on health care. iHealthBeat is part of the California HealthCare Foundation's commitment to important issues affecting health care policy, delivery and financing.
To help health care workers and patients understand about the effects of the internet on the practice of Medicine and Healthcare in the world, and to update new developments that are constantly occurring in this field of Internet Medicine.
JEMS.com is your complete online EMS resource, with news, product information and continuing education.
To help physicians and allied health professionals save time and stay informed by providing brief, clearly written, clinically focused perspectives on the medical developments that affect practice.
Our mission is simple: connect the world's professionals to make them more productive and successful. When you join LinkedIn, you get access to people, jobs, news, updates, and insights that help you be great at what you do.
Comprehensive resource covering the field of medicine.
This is a site for medical professionals to help us do calculations and process algorithms and scores. To make patients better. Faster. You can access the full list through the navigation bars, or, preferably, through the search menu.
MDLinx connects healthcare professionals and patients to tomorrow's medical knowledge and provides the pharmaceutical and healthcare industries with highly targeted interactive marketing, education, content, and research solutions.
Physicians need access to clear, concise and relevant information they can trust. Following in the foot steps of its parent companies mdBriefCase and Rogers Publishing promises to be at the forefront of the health research and pharmaceutical arenas and keep you abreast of the current issues which matter most to you.
Medgadget is an independent journal of the latest medical gadgets, technologies and discoveries.
Our website is written and published by a group of medical doctors and biomed engineers.
Hon MedHunt promotes the effective and reliable use of the new technologies for telemedicine in healthcare around the world.
The free professional social network for people interested in, working in, servicing, or studying for a career in the health care and medical field.
The community was built to gather the support you need and interact with members in the same profession as well as helpful in letting your personality shine through for possible employment.
Medical Practice Insider is a physician's source to get news & commentary on how to increase profitability while enhancing patient care. Brought to you by HIMSS Media, Medical Practice Insider publishes state and national news, and how-to articles around reimbursements, coding, coordinated care, health IT, regulations, patient engagement and practice management.
Medical World Search is the first search engine on the World Wide Web especially developed for the medical field. Medical World Search can aid medical practitioners, researchers, or anyone with basic knowledge of medicine, to formulate an optimally precise query to search the World Wide Web and find exactly the information they need.
Ranked, peer-reviewed,annotated,updated clinical medical resources.
MedicalStudent.com is a digital library of authoritative medical information designed to help all students of medicine. The goal of MedicalStudent.com is to provide a starting point for entry into medical places of enlightenment, entertainment and education on the Internet
MedicineNet.com is an online, healthcare media publishing company. It provides easy-to-read, in-depth, authoritative medical information for consumers via its robust, user-friendly, interactive web site.
MediLexicon contains searches, information, news and resources for the medical, pharmaceutical and healthcare professional.
Medindia.com is Asia's premier health portal providing a range of services to both healthcare consumers and the medical professionals.
MedPage Today is the only medical news service for physicians that links consumer medical news and the professional medical analysis needed by clinicians.
Medical and healthcare apps for mobile devices.
Medscape offers specialists, primary care physicians, and other health professionals the Web's most robust and integrated medical information and educational tools. After a simple, 1-time, free registration, Medscape automatically delivers you the specialty site that best fits your profile.
MedWorm collects updates from over 5000 authoritative data sources (growing each day) via RSS feeds.
Healthcare Social Network for those in Health Care and those who Need Them.
MerckMedicus is an advertising-free medical portal designed specifically for U.S. healthcare providers. MerckMedicus provides breaking medical news, a wide variety of scientific learning resources, and cutting-edge diagnostic tools, all with no access fees.
“Mind the Gap” is a warning heard on subway systems around the world. It is intended to alert individuals to avoid accidentally stepping in the “gap” that separates the train from the platform.
As used here, it is an expression that alludes to the communications gap that exists all too often today between patients and their physicians.
Medical News Today brings you hourly health news from well-regarded sources such as JAMA, BMJ, Lancet, BMA, plus articles written by our own team. Our archive contains over 253,300 news articles.
ModernMedicine brings together best-in-class content and tools from credible and trusted information sources and from a leading group of advisors, consultants, and key opinion leaders to create a web community for health professionals. ModernMedicine is an editorially neutral information resource; a diverse group of content affiliates provide the tools and information which populate over 65 resource centers on ModernMedicine–covering medical and surgical specialties, the business of medicine, and education/learning programs.
Online Community and Association for Women in Medicine. A career site with professional and personal support for women M.D & D.O. physicians, residents, medical and premed students. Whether wondering how to become a doctor or already practicing, MomMD is for today's women in medicine.
NewsRx publishes the largest weekly database of current medical news, disease research, and business reports for the pharmaceutical and biotech industries, updating our online database with thousands of articles each week.
The Library collects materials in all areas of biomedicine and health care, as well as works on biomedical aspects of technology, the humanities, and the physical, life, and social sciences.
NP Central is a non-profit organization dedicated to the practice development, advancement and educational support of Nurse Practitioners and to the promotion of accessible, quality, health care to the consumer.
NPUK - a website for, and about Advanced Nurse Practitioners in the UK.
Our mission is to enrich the professional lives of nurses and other healthcare professionals and to celebrate their unique contributions to society.
With a focus on unique nurse lifestyle, professional development and career content, NurseTogether.com is the only web site where the worldwide community of nurses, nursing students and those considering a career in nursing can truly come together, communicate and connect on the issues that really matter to them.
NurseZone.com is an online community dedicated to providing nurses with professional and personal development information and opportunities. We provide student nurses, new graduates and experienced nurses with the resources they need to succeed in this unique and exciting profession.
Welcome to the Nursing Times website, for nursing jobs, NHS jobs, nursing news, nursing careers, clinical articles, nurse jobs, nursing courses, and nurse prescribing.
Ob.Gyn. News is an independent newspaper that provides the practicing obstetrician/gynecologist with timely and relevant news and commentary about clinical developments in the field and about the impact of health care policy on the specialty and the physician's practice.
Dedicated to providing the very latest information on the results of both clinical and research work from around the globe.
OrganizedWisdom Helps Doctors Save Time, Grow Their Practice, and Improve Patient Education.
Osteopathicintegration.org is a site by osteopathic medical students for osteopathic medical students
On Ozmosis.org, physicians learn the way they learn best: from each other.
Welcome to the Physician Assistant Forum. Established in 1998, the physician assistant forum has become the largest online social network of physician assistants, physician assistant students and those interested in becoming a physician assistant. Our forum has over 12 years of experience related information and physician assistant jobs or employment opportunities. We also have a large physician assistant school section with tons of helpful information for applying and interviews.
Paramedic Network News (PNN) is your daily news and information source on the EMS industry. We produce concise, original text every day. Whether its email headlines or the complete story, PNN is your portal to what''s going on in the prehospital world.
PediatricEducation.org is a Pediatric Digital Library and Learning Collaboratory intended to serve as a source of continuing pediatric education.
PEPID is the most comprehensive point-of-care resource available to healthcare professionals. With PEPID Online, you can access a wealth of clinical knowledge through your internet browser on any laptop or computer.
PEPID offers individual subscriptions to PEPID Online as well as access for your entire institution or department.
Join the nation's premier network of pharmacists, manufacturers and suppliers.
Pharmacy Times is dedicated to providing pharmacists with practical, authoritative information with the ultimate goal of improving patient care. Primarily focused on providing clinical information that pharmacists can use in their everyday practice when counseling patients and interacting with physicians,
Connecting physician expertise worldwide.
Professional medical news from HealthDay.
PhysiciansNews.com is a leading online resource of news, information and features for doctors, health professionals and patients. We focus on practice management issues including business, finance, politics and technology in the healthcare industry.
Our mission is to strengthen Physician Assistant Education by creating and sustaining a rich, user-driven PA Education community and blogging network.
Welcome to the Podiatry Arena forums, for communication between foot health professionals about podiatry and related topics
Podiatry Today is published by HMP Communications LLC.(HMP), the authoritative source for comprehensive information and education servicing healthcare professionals.
Psychiatric News, the print and electronic news service of the American Psychiatric Association, is intended to provide the primary and most trusted information for APA members, other physicians and health professionals, and the public about developments in the field of psychiatry that impact clinical care and professional practice.
Psychiatry Weekly is the first weekly psychiatric news, information, and education service in the country for clinicians providing mental health services. The service includes a weekly poster distributed to hospitals nationwide, a weekly e-Newsletter, and this website, which is consistently updated with features, clinician interviews, and breaking news.
PubMed is a service of the U.S. National Library of Medicine that includes over 17 million citations from MEDLINE and other life science journals for biomedical articles back to the 1950s. PubMed includes links to full text articles and other related resources.
Available on both the web and mobile, QuantiaMD helps improve the quality and safety of healthcare by providing clinicians with an interactive multimedia forum...
Your source for the latest research news.
Scrubs is not just another clinical nursing site…there are plenty of those! Scrubs is the one and only site that’s 100 percent about you – personally and professionally – and the very specific joys and challenges you face because of the noble career you chose.
Our goal at SearchMedica is to improve the practice of medicine by allowing physicians and medical practitioners to discover the most relevant, authoritative, and timely clinical information on the Internet and to find it quickly and easily.
Specifically, we aim to:
-answer your clinical question
-offer additional medically-relevant information and
-satisfy your curiosity
while always responding to your needs and interests.
We’re passionate about social media and its impact on healthcare. That’s why we created the largest online community, exclusive to physicians. With over 125,000 licensed physicians, Sermo is facilitating collaboration in medicine like never before.
STAT!Ref is the premier healthcare e-source. A pioneer in software as a service (SaaS), STAT!Ref includes cross-searchable, full-text, top-tier titles in a breadth of healthcare disciplines from a wide variety of reputable authors, publishers and societies.
TEDMED celebrates conversations that demonstrate the intersection and connections between all things medical and healthcare related: from personal health to public health, devices to design and Hollywood to the hospital. Together, this encompasses more than twenty percent of our GNP in America while touching everyone's life around the globe.
Cochrane Reviews are systematic reviews of primary research in human health care and health policy, and are internationally recognised as the highest standard in evidence-based health care. They investigate the effects of interventions for prevention, treatment and rehabilitation. They also assess the accuracy of a diagnostic test for a given condition in a specific patient group and setting. They are published online in The Cochrane Library.
The Doctor's Channel is a useful, time-saving tool that condenses the overwhelming amount of information doctors are forced to navigate each day in a creative, informative way
Welcome to The Doctors' Page, the web site specifically designed for the practicing physician. Here you'll find a wide range of resources for you and your patients, handpicked to fit your daily information needs.
The Knowledge Network provides evidence, information, e-learning and community tools. It supports all staff to find, share and use knowledge in day to day work and learning.
A nurse practitioner blog/website. Information relevant to nurse practitioner practice. Links to other nurse practitioner, nurse, and medical professional sites.
Comprehensive section on phamacology and toxicology.
We are a group of physicians that have developed a framework and rating system to evaluate therapies based on their patient-important benefits and harms as well as a system to evaluate diagnostics by patient sign, symptom, lab test or study.
We only use the highest quality, evidence-based studies (frequently, but not always Cochrane Reviews), and we accept no outside funding or advertisements.
The main goal of the Therapeutics Education Collaboration (TEC) is to provide physicians, pharmacists, nurses, nurse practitioners, physician assistants, naturopathic physicians, other health professionals, and the public with current, evidence-based, practical and relevant information on rational drug therapy. The overall philosophy of the TEC is to encourage clinicians to engage in shared informed decision-making, critical thinking, and exercise some degree of healthy skepticism when it comes to the use of new and old medications.
The Internet's leading resources for Evidence-Based Medicine. Allowing users to rapidly identify the highest quality clinical evidence for clinical practice.
U.S. Medicine is a monthly publication that serves healthcare professionals working in the Department of Veterans Affairs, Department of Defense and U.S. Public Health Service. Each month U.S. Medicine provides 35,000 physicians, pharmacists, physician assistants, nurse practitioners and administrators with a mix of news, medical updates, interviews, reports on special government topics and monthly columns.
Your free portal to up-to-date unbiased medical news and information. Trusted by over 400,000 physicians in 33 countries since 2001, univadis is one of the most credible, professional, and comprehensive sources of online information for the medical community.
UpToDate® is the premier evidence-based clinical decision support resource authored by physicians to help healthcare practitioners make the best decisions at the point of care. By combining the latest clinical knowledge with cutting-edge technology, UpToDate changes the way clinicians practice medicine and has become an indispensable part of clinical workflows in institutions and practices worldwide.
The mission of World Wide Wounds is to be the premier online resource for peer-reviewed information on dressing materials providing practical guidance on all aspects of wound management to health professionals worldwide.